hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
