Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
