I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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