my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She bit a glass in half.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
