her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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