Sry I called you an 8
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
