You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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