Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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