Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
