you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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