Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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