The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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