u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
