Just fell off a train. Bad.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
