I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
