If i could tip my vagina, i would.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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