No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
