Got a toothbrush?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
