where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
