Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
