you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
