the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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