Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
