She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
