Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
