I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
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