I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
