It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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