I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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