Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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