Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
