Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
