open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
