Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
