can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
