Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
