i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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