If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
