wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
