people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
