Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
