I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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