I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize