Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
