And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
