it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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