i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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