my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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