Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
