Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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