If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
