I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize