When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's rum buckets o'clock
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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