So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
