I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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