You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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