forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
