I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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