So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
