he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
