I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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