I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just gift wrapped bread.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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