i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
