I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
