DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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