I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
