Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
