i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
i think my cat just said my name.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
